A friend asked me the other day whether or not I believed things could go back to the way they were once you’ve ventured beyond the friendship line with one your friends. I replied: most likely not, because in my opinion, someone is always going to get hurt, but what if people really are able to have adventures with their friends without ruining the original friendships? I had to investigate.
The thought of having sex with one of your best friends, or even just fool around without going that far, may seem like a great idea. You know each other well, you actually like each other and you’re 100% yourself and comfortable around them. Is it, however, safe to assume that any friendship is that strong to handle the overstepping?
The problem with sleeping with your friend, or anyone for that matter, is that it is very likely that something will change, and someone will most likely grow feelings that the other may not reciprocate. Imaging going out with a friend, having a sneaky kiss on the dance floor and ending up going home together and before you know it, you can classify your relationship as “friends with benefits”.
Studies actually show that most people that venture into the “friends with benefits” zone, either stay together and end up getting serious, or end their relationship all together, therefore losing a friend all together. Lehmiller notes in her published Archives of Sexual Behaviour, that studies found that after running some tests with people in this situation, a third of participants stayed friends with the other person after the benefit part of their relationship ended, and seemed to be just as close as they had been before having sex. But the study also found that the 20% that had lost both their friend and friend with benefit reported feelings of betrayal and loneliness.
This therefore shows that yes, maybe things will go back to the way they were, but there is also a risk that it won’t and that you will not only lose a friend, but also go through a short period of depression. But you must also remember that the sex part of the relationship might not be the only reason why the friendship ended. It is a known fact that friends, whether or not they have crossed any lines, can grow apart, lose touch but also might find it awkward to be around people they have been intimate with.
Are you wondering why things might get awkward after sharing one of the most affectionate experience with your friend? Imagine knowing what your friends looks and sounds like when they orgasm, what they like or dislike under the sheets, and what they look like completely bare… Pretty clear, isn’t it?
Not to mention that once you have slept once or twice together, it can be tricky to set boundaries as to what the relationship actually means, whether you should act like a couple and text each other at night after a few drinks, or even what is appropriate to do in front one another on a drunk night out with a date. Let’s just say things might get complicated, tricky and messy, so why not stay away from sleeping with your friends and meet guys outside your friend circle?
All in all, I don’t find the friends with benefit an easy route to take if you cherish your friendship, but I could not recommend enough the fact that if you are lucky enough to fall in love with your best friend, it might just be the best thing that could happen to you…
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